I have always said that my being a doctor is a calling. I did not choose to be one, rather, I was destined to be one! It has been a fulfilling profession so far and I have no regrets at all. The One who willed for me to be what I am now remained faithful of His love and guidance. I can say that except for some random disappointments, I am totally contented with my being a physician.
Or so I thought...
After reading this article written by a colleague, I found myself agreeing with her sentiments. I don't know if it is my human subconscious that's totally in concurrence with the feeling, but I realized that I am not that satisfied as a doctor as I thought I am. If it's a proper feeling to be felt by a christian, I don't know. I just hope and pray that my faith will see me through these similar heartache.
THE SENTIMENTS OF A YOUNG FILIPINO PHYSICIAN...
I have wondered so many times why a lot of successful doctors are leaving the country. Although I am still young in this profession and have not had that great desire to leave this country... not just yet... I feel worried that foregoing the opportunity to migrate abroad might turn out to be a decision that I will later regret. I'd often think, 'What did these older doctors experience later in their practices which made them decide to abandon it altogether?'
Just tonight, I caught a glimpse of the answer to my question. I thought it was just a search for a greener pasture or a desire to give a better future for their children or disgust for the present political climate in our country... but I think it is not that... it something more basic... something closer to the core of our being.
Just tonight, as I was busy making plans for the coming Conferment Ceremony and surfed the web for packages for video and photo coverages, I remembered the stupendous amount that the movie stars charge for their services. I heard that for one young actor, half day of picture shoots would amount to P80,000. Then I remembered those times when we did operations for patients for the same duration and I don't get half as much for professional fees... and I am dealing with LIVES here! ... Precious lives! Then I remembered how my husband would try to package professional fees so that it becomes very affordable for patients... and sometimes, he even feels cheated when he sees that the cellphones of the relatives of the patient cost 3x the professional fee that he is charging... and looking at the packages of these videos and photos which costs 3-4x our PFs, I begin to wonder, are we shortchanging ourselves as doctors?
Then I remembered that conversation I had with a businessman who said, "You doctors are in a very noble profession, that is why it is sometimes disheartening when other doctors charge so much for their professional fees."
For some reason, something inside me rebelled about that idea. Something inside me was angered. Here I am in front of a man who charges quite a hefty sum for recreational activities and feels that it is justified since these people have the money to spend for such hobbies and yet points an accusing finger to us doctors when we charge the same amount for taking care of their health... of their lives. Did it not ever occur to him that just like him, we have our families to feed? Just like him, we have children to send to school to? Just like him, we have rents and amortizations to pay? Just like him, we needed financial security which we can hope to depend on when we can no longer work? But unlike him, we had to spend more than 20 years in school, being dependent on our parents, not being able to earn a decent income until we are in our late 30s or even 40s, spend gruelling hours trying to figure out the human body and even have to push marriage and building a family much later in our lives. We have sacrificed so much for this noble profession because deep in us, there is that desire to serve others. Yet, should this sacrifice be bled out of us?
It is a cliche... one that will make our classmates snicker... "I wanted to become a doctor to serve others." Yet, we know deep in us, at the core of our being that it is a reason which we can never deny. Of course there are other much baser needs that crop up with this fundamental reason. Along the way, the much baser reasons become predominant and then we become practical beings.... then we realized that unlike those who join the religious congregation inorder to serve others, we do not have a community who will support us... We have to support ourselves and our families. Then the pressure of the material world sets in, because we are but mere mortals who also have to satisfy our basic needs of food, clothing and shelter. And on top of that, education, financial security and retirement funds. Then we realize that we have allowed ourselves to be burdened with so much pressure in our lives... with stress which is inherent in our profession because we deal with lives... that even as we go home, we still think of our patients or what's wrong with them... how come our interventions are not working... have we made the wrong diagnosis? And of course, if we could not figure out the problem then the patients and their relatives will again burden us with their expectations. ..which sometimes prove too much since as I said, we are just mere mortals and not God. If something goes wrong, the hungry media and some unscrupulous lawyers are just too eager to point a finger to the "erring" doctor.
I have wondered so many times why a lot of successful doctors are leaving the country. Although I am still young in this profession and have not had that great desire to leave this country... not just yet... I feel worried that foregoing the opportunity to migrate abroad might turn out to be a decision that I will later regret. I'd often think, 'What did these older doctors experience later in their practices which made them decide to abandon it altogether?'
Just tonight, I caught a glimpse of the answer to my question. I thought it was just a search for a greener pasture or a desire to give a better future for their children or disgust for the present political climate in our country... but I think it is not that... it something more basic... something closer to the core of our being.
Just tonight, as I was busy making plans for the coming Conferment Ceremony and surfed the web for packages for video and photo coverages, I remembered the stupendous amount that the movie stars charge for their services. I heard that for one young actor, half day of picture shoots would amount to P80,000. Then I remembered those times when we did operations for patients for the same duration and I don't get half as much for professional fees... and I am dealing with LIVES here! ... Precious lives! Then I remembered how my husband would try to package professional fees so that it becomes very affordable for patients... and sometimes, he even feels cheated when he sees that the cellphones of the relatives of the patient cost 3x the professional fee that he is charging... and looking at the packages of these videos and photos which costs 3-4x our PFs, I begin to wonder, are we shortchanging ourselves as doctors?
Then I remembered that conversation I had with a businessman who said, "You doctors are in a very noble profession, that is why it is sometimes disheartening when other doctors charge so much for their professional fees."
For some reason, something inside me rebelled about that idea. Something inside me was angered. Here I am in front of a man who charges quite a hefty sum for recreational activities and feels that it is justified since these people have the money to spend for such hobbies and yet points an accusing finger to us doctors when we charge the same amount for taking care of their health... of their lives. Did it not ever occur to him that just like him, we have our families to feed? Just like him, we have children to send to school to? Just like him, we have rents and amortizations to pay? Just like him, we needed financial security which we can hope to depend on when we can no longer work? But unlike him, we had to spend more than 20 years in school, being dependent on our parents, not being able to earn a decent income until we are in our late 30s or even 40s, spend gruelling hours trying to figure out the human body and even have to push marriage and building a family much later in our lives. We have sacrificed so much for this noble profession because deep in us, there is that desire to serve others. Yet, should this sacrifice be bled out of us?
It is a cliche... one that will make our classmates snicker... "I wanted to become a doctor to serve others." Yet, we know deep in us, at the core of our being that it is a reason which we can never deny. Of course there are other much baser needs that crop up with this fundamental reason. Along the way, the much baser reasons become predominant and then we become practical beings.... then we realized that unlike those who join the religious congregation inorder to serve others, we do not have a community who will support us... We have to support ourselves and our families. Then the pressure of the material world sets in, because we are but mere mortals who also have to satisfy our basic needs of food, clothing and shelter. And on top of that, education, financial security and retirement funds. Then we realize that we have allowed ourselves to be burdened with so much pressure in our lives... with stress which is inherent in our profession because we deal with lives... that even as we go home, we still think of our patients or what's wrong with them... how come our interventions are not working... have we made the wrong diagnosis? And of course, if we could not figure out the problem then the patients and their relatives will again burden us with their expectations. ..which sometimes prove too much since as I said, we are just mere mortals and not God. If something goes wrong, the hungry media and some unscrupulous lawyers are just too eager to point a finger to the "erring" doctor.
But when we do get to succeed in our mission of providing healing to their ailing bodies and we charge them with our professional fees, we could not charge too much because it would be unethical... since we did something noble... we should not be paid too much lest the nobleness fades. But for those who feel that they are justified in asking for the amount that they charge thinking that what can be more precious in a person's life but life itself, the patient gets shocked and feels resentment towards his doctor. How dare you, doctor enrich yourself out of other people's sufferings! Then market-price bargaining resembling that found in Divisoria suddenly makes you feel degraded and unappreciated.
That leads me back to my nostalgic thoughts of the professional fees of some movie stars who just needed to host an affair for one hour and gets paid P150,000. Not so for the cardiologist who took care of the patient for a week or the surgeon who operated for more than one hour or for the anesthesiologist who paralyzed and ventilated the patient so that the surgery can be performed on the patient.... which of course, is just "putting the patient to sleep"... How difficult and complicated can that be? No, we cannot charge as much as that movie star... If only we could, a lot of us would be millionaires by now.
Now, I no longer wonder why doctors leave the country. There is just too much pressure placed on their shoulders... that at one point in their busy, successful career, they just wanted to be out... to breath some fresh air, to slow down... to be out of the rat race... to have that lifestyle with the promise of more quality in their lives.
Besides, there is no pension plan for doctors here. You can still find doctors way beyond their retirement years walking along the corridors of the hospitals, with silver hairs, or worst... balding heads. For some, it is a matter of survival, you stop working, you stop earning... you stop earning, you stop living the lifestyle that you got used to. For others, retirement is simply not an option... they have been in the profession for too long... to just be uprooted from the environment is like uprooting a plant and letting it die. I have seen how some deteriorated and wilted like a plant just after retirement. They just had their entire lives revolving in their noble profession that they find themselves useless without it. Others are forced into retirement by some disabling disease like stroke, myocardial infarction, Alzheimer's. Then depression sets in... Perhaps this is the scenario that some doctors wanted to avoid in their future lives... that is why they are taking control of it while they still can...
For me, there is no judgment here. Because I think I now caught a glimpse of what's going on in these doctor's heads... And perhaps even in my own head?.... My apologies to those whose heads do not contain these thoughts. :)
Nagsesenti lang po... Kasi nagsisisi akong di ako nag-artista.
Ma. Leilani T. Andres-Relucio, M.D.
That leads me back to my nostalgic thoughts of the professional fees of some movie stars who just needed to host an affair for one hour and gets paid P150,000. Not so for the cardiologist who took care of the patient for a week or the surgeon who operated for more than one hour or for the anesthesiologist who paralyzed and ventilated the patient so that the surgery can be performed on the patient.... which of course, is just "putting the patient to sleep"... How difficult and complicated can that be? No, we cannot charge as much as that movie star... If only we could, a lot of us would be millionaires by now.
Now, I no longer wonder why doctors leave the country. There is just too much pressure placed on their shoulders... that at one point in their busy, successful career, they just wanted to be out... to breath some fresh air, to slow down... to be out of the rat race... to have that lifestyle with the promise of more quality in their lives.
Besides, there is no pension plan for doctors here. You can still find doctors way beyond their retirement years walking along the corridors of the hospitals, with silver hairs, or worst... balding heads. For some, it is a matter of survival, you stop working, you stop earning... you stop earning, you stop living the lifestyle that you got used to. For others, retirement is simply not an option... they have been in the profession for too long... to just be uprooted from the environment is like uprooting a plant and letting it die. I have seen how some deteriorated and wilted like a plant just after retirement. They just had their entire lives revolving in their noble profession that they find themselves useless without it. Others are forced into retirement by some disabling disease like stroke, myocardial infarction, Alzheimer's. Then depression sets in... Perhaps this is the scenario that some doctors wanted to avoid in their future lives... that is why they are taking control of it while they still can...
For me, there is no judgment here. Because I think I now caught a glimpse of what's going on in these doctor's heads... And perhaps even in my own head?.... My apologies to those whose heads do not contain these thoughts. :)
Nagsesenti lang po... Kasi nagsisisi akong di ako nag-artista.
Ma. Leilani T. Andres-Relucio, M.D.
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